Dialogue

Brain: Hey stomach! We're going to lose weight.
Stomach: Whatever. I don't care as long as I don't have to do anything.
Brain: Well, actually, that's part of the plan...
Stomach: Screw that.
Brain: Look. If you'll just try to enjoy healthy foods instead of junk, I'll do my best to supply the willpower to make this possible long-term.
Stomach: But I like junk food! I LIVE for junk food! In fact, me getting junk food is one thing that makes YOU happy, remember?
Brain: Well, yeah...for a few minutes. Then I'M the one that's stuck living with the guilt later on! And what about YOU? You just keep stretching out and then you want MORE food and I just feel worse and worse!
Stomach: Well, you over-analyze everything.
Brain: YOU DON'T SAY! That's my !@#$*&% JOB YOU !@#$ GUT!
Stomach: .....
Brain: .....
Stomach: I'm not speaking to you anymore.
Brain: I didn't even think it was possible for us to speak.
Stomach: .....
Brain: .....


THE END.

. . . . .

Sometimes you just feel like a cow.

I kind of wish that the above WERE just some silly thing I came up with, but there is some real truth to it. I want to lose weight, but it's quite difficult in part because I've grown up using food as a band-aid. It's like, "I feel upset. I'll have some chocolate because I deserve it since I'm upset. Then I'll feel better." And I do. For a few minutes. How long does it take to A.) be excited with the anticipation of the chocolate; B.) actually enjoy eating the chocolate; C.) feel content because i just ate chocolate? Not very long. And after that comes the guilt where I wish there was more chocolate, then realize I should never have eaten it at all because of how caloric/fatty/sugary it was, and soon I wish I could un-eat what I'd eaten to make me feel "better" in the first place.

It's a bad system, worse paired with my recent sedentary lifestyle. I don't work cleaning or running around a warehouse or anything like that anymore--I am sitting or standing most of the time. I do try to get some exercise in daily, but that's not enough. And since I live in the middle of nowhere, getting to a gym or whatever is a pain because it takes time to get there and it costs extra gas money. Thankfully I've been getting into walking/jogging outside with D. since the weather got nice. BUT...I think there needs to be more, and losing as much weight as I want will start with figuring out what I'm doing wrong NOW and get rid of it, for starters.

Tomorrow, I'm planning to keep track of everything I eat. I am also going to check my gym/rec center options again and just make some comparisons. It seems like it will be super inconvenient to change anything, but most major things don't come about without a bit of change and sacrifice. Right?