Okay, okay...

...okay. This happens to blogs all the time. But instead of lamenting about it, let's just move right along, shall we? I'm back. That's what matters, eh? A few updates:

-Doing Paleo diet, again, only this time, REALLY half-assed. In fact, I'm calling it the half-assed paleo challenge. Or "challenge," more like. I also like to call it the "don't worry" paleo diet. Try to eat paleo, and make it a priority, but if you slip up don't freak out and feel like the whole thing is ruined. Just move right along and get back on the horse or the wagon or whatever the hell.

-Garden went well, although less productive than I had perhaps hoped. Some plants didn't make it. Others did, but produced little or practically nothing. And there was that blossom-end rot issue with some of the tomatoes.BUT. I have to see it as a learning experience, which it REALLY was, since now I know what it's like and how I can change things next time.Hooray, glass half full!

-Found a new rec center to frequent, and I love it to death! Now to save up money to actually JOIN it. It's pretty great and will be worth every penny.

And the results are in!

Here's how I did today diet-wise:

So now I have a basic idea of how I eat on any given day. To be fair, though, I think I ate a lot more sugar than normal. I know I eat a lot more sugar than I should...but today it seems like I went way overboard...like 5x more than I should have had (!). I am also concerned with the amount of fat I ate. I don't think I typically consume that much. Maybe I should try this again tomorrow, then kind of take the average of the two days? Or maybe I should do it a few more times...I'm not sure yet.

"Red Flag" foods that I ate today:

*Winco Cranberry Almond Mix (26.6g of sugar)

*Bridge Mix Candy (61g of sugar...oops)

*McDonald's Hot Fudge Sundae (48g of sugar)

Good Food Choices I ate today:

*1/2 Turkey Sandwich (lunch)

*Baby carrots

I dropped the ball today. I may have come in under 2000 calories, but I sucked at how I chose those calories. Clearly I need to set some boundaries for sugar and fat consumption. Maybe I'll start with that--reduce sugar and fat.

I'm making a tentative goal here: eat less than 50g of sugar and less than 65g of fat each day for the rest of the week. We'll see how I feel.

Once I get my diet "on track," I'd like to revisit this and see how I'm doing then compared to how I did today. I really hope that I'll be pleased with the results.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to try to ward of Wilford Brimly and insist that I'm not in the market for diabetes testing supplies yet.

Dialogue

Brain: Hey stomach! We're going to lose weight.
Stomach: Whatever. I don't care as long as I don't have to do anything.
Brain: Well, actually, that's part of the plan...
Stomach: Screw that.
Brain: Look. If you'll just try to enjoy healthy foods instead of junk, I'll do my best to supply the willpower to make this possible long-term.
Stomach: But I like junk food! I LIVE for junk food! In fact, me getting junk food is one thing that makes YOU happy, remember?
Brain: Well, yeah...for a few minutes. Then I'M the one that's stuck living with the guilt later on! And what about YOU? You just keep stretching out and then you want MORE food and I just feel worse and worse!
Stomach: Well, you over-analyze everything.
Brain: YOU DON'T SAY! That's my !@#$*&% JOB YOU !@#$ GUT!
Stomach: .....
Brain: .....
Stomach: I'm not speaking to you anymore.
Brain: I didn't even think it was possible for us to speak.
Stomach: .....
Brain: .....


THE END.

. . . . .

Sometimes you just feel like a cow.

I kind of wish that the above WERE just some silly thing I came up with, but there is some real truth to it. I want to lose weight, but it's quite difficult in part because I've grown up using food as a band-aid. It's like, "I feel upset. I'll have some chocolate because I deserve it since I'm upset. Then I'll feel better." And I do. For a few minutes. How long does it take to A.) be excited with the anticipation of the chocolate; B.) actually enjoy eating the chocolate; C.) feel content because i just ate chocolate? Not very long. And after that comes the guilt where I wish there was more chocolate, then realize I should never have eaten it at all because of how caloric/fatty/sugary it was, and soon I wish I could un-eat what I'd eaten to make me feel "better" in the first place.

It's a bad system, worse paired with my recent sedentary lifestyle. I don't work cleaning or running around a warehouse or anything like that anymore--I am sitting or standing most of the time. I do try to get some exercise in daily, but that's not enough. And since I live in the middle of nowhere, getting to a gym or whatever is a pain because it takes time to get there and it costs extra gas money. Thankfully I've been getting into walking/jogging outside with D. since the weather got nice. BUT...I think there needs to be more, and losing as much weight as I want will start with figuring out what I'm doing wrong NOW and get rid of it, for starters.

Tomorrow, I'm planning to keep track of everything I eat. I am also going to check my gym/rec center options again and just make some comparisons. It seems like it will be super inconvenient to change anything, but most major things don't come about without a bit of change and sacrifice. Right?

I don't understand food.

It's a complex thing, food. I used to think if it was edible, it was okay to eat. Clearly, though, there is so much more to the concept of nutrition. Being that I was a chubby kid, I guess it makes sense that I had a "if it's in front of my face and it tastes good, I can eat it" mentality when it came to my diet. I have this memory of a family movie night when I was about 9 or 10 years old, and my parents opened a bag of miniature Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, my dad's most cherished treat. We passed that bag of candy around the room while watching a movie, and whenever it got to me I'd just think, "There is probably a reason why I should stop myself from eating more of this stuff but it's sooo good." Piece after piece after piece of chocolatey peanut butter candy found its way into my mouth.

Now that I'm older, I understand that willpower is vital when it comes to food. Of course there are foods that should be limited or even avoided altogether, and other foods that should be consumed often, even daily.  The problem is I don't know which are which.

If you are breathing, then you probably know that there are a lot, a LOT, of "diets" out there, all with varying rules to supposedly lead the dieter to health. My issue is that opposite diets claim to be healthy, to be the end all be all of how you should be eating. And to me, some of these diets, even ones that tell you to do nearly opposite things, kind of make sense in their own ways. For instance, vegetarianism seems right in that you would limit foods with animal products and fat, opting for leaner options with lots of vegetables and whole grains. But consider the paleolithic diet, a lifestyle that promotes the consumption of mostly animal products and unprocessed foods. Eating THAT way makes sense, too, and if you look into both of these diets you will read about all kinds of health benefits of each, all with reasonable arguments and even studies to back them up. What the hell? These two diets are very different, but both are "right"?

Should I be worrying about saturated fat and cholesterol, or too many carbs/gluten/processed foods? Which is actually going to kill me? And, does a "all things in moderation" approach work" Because, see, in the case of these two diets, each seems to claim that it's an all-or-nothing things. You touch  meat, you're going to have a heart attack. If you eat a bite of that pasta, you might as well start writing your will now. So who's right?

That's where I am, at this confusing crossroads of nutrition. And of course, those are only two examples of ways to eat. What about the other ones, too?  Is there one ultimately "right" one? These are the things I've been wondering lately. I have no conclusion, sadly, but I'm in the process of trying to work out a plan that I feel is good. Not necessarily "right," but good enough. Because I don't know if I'll ever find the answer.